For around three years, I ran a class designed to help children whose parents were going through divorce cope with the emotional strain they were experiencing. During the years I ran those classes, I was frequently struck by the recurring comments made by the young people who participated in the classes. 
Comments ranged from dismay over the loss of family to frustration over newfound awkwardness in parental relationships to consternation at their parents’ inability to just stop being so cruel to each other. It was seldom the case that a class went without a child breaking down and crying. Interestingly, I never once saw any of the children tease each other over tears shed in that setting. Except in instances of an absent, addicted, or exceptionally abusive parent, I never heard a child say that the divorce was a welcome change.
In contrast, on the occasions that I ran the adult version of the class or interacted with parents before or after the class, I frequently heard parents say things to the effect of: they were ready to move on or anxious to close that chapter in their lives. The prospect of freedom from the unpleasantness of the marriage relationship was a breath of fresh air that would free them up to find someone new. It’s interesting that few parents acknowledged that their new found freedom would not be shared by their child, who would hence forth live in the far more difficult circumstance of trying to navigate their adolescent years with two families, rather than one.
There is an old adage: “When the elephants fight, the ants lose.” For all the unpleasantness spouses experience in disintegrating marriages, children are the ones who are unintentionally stepped on. The most important element in the life of every child is stability. They need it in order to thrive and are usually poorly equipped to deal with the stress of such a major life change. This is why children of divorce are statistically more likely to turn to drugs or alcohol, perform poorly in school, have behavioral difficulties, and be incarcerated. Worse still is that children from divorced homes are far more likely to get divorced themselves. The biggest loser in divorce is the one member who did not ask to join the family, and is the least equipped to cope with change.
The responsibility in the parenting/married relationship belongs to the parents. This often elicits the response: “So I’m supposed to stay in a miserable relationship forever?” This is a case of asking the wrong question. Parents are not responsible to be tied to a miserable relationship. They are burdened with the responsibility to work together to make certain that the relationship is durable. This is easy to do while dating because courting is hard work. Couples have to listen, say nice things, buy gifts, go on dates, talk through problems, and try to be romantic/attractive in order to get to the altar in the first place. The trick is that the work doesn’t end there. It goes on for life. This is also the responsibility of married parents. A happy and stable marriage/family takes as much hard work as a career and it is a commitment requiring daily effort that we vow to take on from the moment we say “I do.”
This is not to say that everyone who gets a divorce ruins their children forever or that they will instantly go to hell. Though the Bible presents a pretty negative view on the topic of divorce, there are instances in which provision is made. There are circumstances in which the protection of the child or one of the spouses may be at stake, infidelity, abandonment, and so forth simply force the issue. The larger point here isn’t to attack those who are divorced. Rather, it is to encourage those who are married and raising kids to put in the work to keep their relationship healthy. Divorce hurts children deeply. It is important that parents make every effort to maintain a healthy relationship as a protection against the potential for hurting their children.
manner in which the family of God operates. In Acts, we see the early church gathering for meals daily, largely because eating together as a family is a somewhat intimate activity. We also see Jesus teaching important lessons and engaging in fellowship at meals with groups of people. His final meeting with his disciples before the crucifixion took place over dinner. His first extended meeting with them after the resurrection happened over breakfast. The Lord’s Supper is a modified ceremony from the Jewish faith, the passover meal. The passover was only one of many meal-centered religious observances the Jewish people engaged in. Holidays, sacrifices, and all sorts of other activities were surrounded by meals. This is not because of a supernatural spiritual quality associated with eating. Rather, it is because eating together is a basic act of community. Community behaviors encourage close relationships and interpersonal openness.
their thoughts and feelings. However, the reality is that self-expression is a skill that develops over time. Parents can encourage development of these skills by modeling them and asking questions. Children learn communication patterns largely from their parents. They emulate what they see. If you talk and share with them, they will learn to talk and share with you. This will pay dividends during the frustrated and angst-filled teenage years when they really need to talk things through. Asking children questions encourages them to share their thoughts and experiences. It teaches them to share thoughts/feelings that they will not instinctively share. In addition, it demonstrates interest in the life of your child. They will notice that interest and they will thrive on it. Nothing is more important to children than their parents. When parents demonstrate interest in their children, it means the world to them. This will also pay in the long run when that cute child is a fuming teenager and you’re trying to get them to talk it out or hoping that they will come to you with serious problems and major decisions.
Patching Cracks 