Why Are People So Lonely? Part 2: How The Fall Broke Community

When the fall took place and the world became broken, our basic ability to live in community with each other and God.

You are surrounded by people all of the time. You have hundreds of Facebook friends, work friends, kids, a spouse, and everything else… So why are you still lonely? If we are designed to live in community, why is it so unsatisfying? Why do friendships and relationships break so easily? Why is knowing God so hard?

In part 1, we looked at how God designed us to be connected to each other and to God. It’ is part of our very nature of be in relationship with each other. Without it, we dry out and die inside, like a fish out of water. If that’s true, shouldn’t relationships come easy to us? Shouldn’t it be like fish, who swim by nature? Why doesn’t it come naturally to us?

In chapter 3 of Genesis we find the answer to these questions. It’s important to understand that this section of the Bible is “the problem” that the rest of the Bible addresses. Everything after chapter 3 is the story of God fixing the broken state of our world.

In chapter three the fall takes place. Everything is broken. Eve is tempted and disobeys God. Adam ate too, but his sin is bigger than simple disobedience. The text indicates that he is right there when the temptation and fall happen. He watches, listens, and remains a passive observer. In many ways this is the is still the spiritual shortfall of men. They remain passive in their families. Often this involves “checking out” of their relationship with their spouse, parenting, and the community. It is the reason I can open with the joke about the miracle of Jesus having 12 friends in his 30s. We hide at work or in our man cave. Proper community demanded that Adam catch Eve before she fell. 

After the the text says that their eyes were opened and they realized they were naked. Shame had entered the world. Shame prompted the creation of barriers. People began to hide themselves from each other. They also hid from God. It is easy to miss the big truth here: We experience loneliness and isolation because we were made to live in community with God and each other. The fall created distance in those relationships. 

Often we experience distance in our relationships because shame, fear, a history of abuse, or social norms that push us to hide our true selves from each other. Many men live lonely lives in silence. They lack significant relationships with other men and have no idea how to find them. Some men struggle with sin or pain but are unwilling to engage others to create meaningful relationships. Vulnerability is hard and socially unacceptable. One of the best things I learned as I grew into the pastoral role was that if I was willing to admit my own imperfections and speak of how Christ set me free, folks were far more likely to open up to me regarding their own struggles. If we all pretend to be perfect, no one is safe to admit they aren’t. Without being willing to engage with each other openly, close community isn’t possible. Like Adam and Eve, the “fig leaves” we use to cover ourselves up will not fool God, who sees to the core of us. We need to confess to him, and each other, in order to experience real community.  

The trick is that the whole thing is extraordinarily risky. Talking about and sharing the real, substantial aspects of our lives is the master key for engaging in fulfilling community.  

Part 3 of this series will look at the solution to the problem of separation in our relationships…

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